shadowreamyx: (Brooding Watson)

P much.

I have no idea what I want to do in life.

Every time I think too far into something I am like 'NOPE NOPE NOPE NADDA MAYDAY, PULL OUT'

Science is alright. Forensic science and being able to piece together how somebody was killed/died is cool. Blood splatter analysis. That's cool. Working for the police--NOT COOL NOT COOL.

'Why don't you work for the government--' NOPE.

'You like piecing together people's problems why not psychology or psychiatrist--' NOPE.

'You are good at history what about law--' I ONLY KNOW CERTAIN AREAS AND LAW SEEMS SO DULL.

I really have this childish gushing over acting. It's so amazing. The thought of meeting new people, getting to know the character and 'living' and portraying their emotions and thoughts--it's astounding. I always get stupidly happy when I think about it.
Then I remember how many people strive to be actors and how many people just bust and never get anywhere in life and just settle or are pining after cheap gigs. You have to have this talent--you have to have that look in your eyes, the emotion in your voice--and more.
It's terrifying.
What if I pursue acting and I don't have that--/that/?
I don't want to settle in life but I don't want to live in the slums.

I don't know.
shadowreamyx: (Default)
Have you ever noticed that it's only brain washing if it's something you don't agree with?

"Oh the nazis are brainwashing the youth!"

Not saying I believe in nazism but think about it:

We raise today's youth giving them a defined line of right and wrong.

So did they.

Just because we don't agree with how they view things it's suddenly brain washing.

Society sucks.

Humans believe they have some high and mighty right and back it up with Gawd.

We're all going to die one day and biologically we were made to reproduce and die.

Yee dawgy.

I should start posting less controversial things.
shadowreamyx: (Default)
Okay, I thought this would be a good rant to get this ball rolling.

I grew up in the Roman Catholic Church, singing bible songs, and actually feeling guilt and remorse for certain thoughts while striving to be the good citizen 'love everybody' person. Well, at the time I was five. Which, well, was the beginning of the end.

I don't know when reason smacked in me in the face, but as much as I'd hate to admit I would greatly say discovering 'fandoms' and 'slash' around age 10-11 really got the ball rolling. The thought was disgusting, I recoiled, exiting out of my browser at the sight of two anime boys holding hands and showing affection towards one another.

I had been taught all my life that girls had a certain role and so did boys, then one day they'd end up together.

Even though I had been programmed to live in a world of gender roles and homophobia in hindsight I should have seen it coming. Even when I was a wee child I did not want to live that perfect 'Disney Princess' life. I was the little rebel tom boy who thought all girls were gross not even acknowledging the fact that I happened to be one.

Now fast forwarding back to 5-6th grade I started thinking, 'why do we have to hate this?' 'why?' 'why?' 'WHY?' Though at that point I just assumed the Catholic church was flawed slightly and God loved me just as much as he had before.

Yet as I continued to age and I continued to think that 'God' I had loved had become something I viewed as a comfort and means to control.

Do I believe in God? I have no idea. Certainly not that one. Honestly I just do not /care/. I am going to live a full life, I am going to /enjoy/ life, and without religion I will still be a GOOD PERSON(which I have been informed you cannot be without God). I am not going to be some God fearing dame. And by god when I die if I rot in the eternal fires of hell for having reason then that still, is not god I will kneel to.

Stark out.
shadowreamyx: (Default)
It's all on your, Dreamwidth. Tumblr is slowly corrupting and I don't know what the fuck is up with LJ anymore. I kind of gave up.

For anyone who actually reads this call me Jules, Tony Stark, Your Highness, something of the sort.

This will probably be a journal composed of ranting, politics, psychology, and just interesting stories of my day I feel like sharing.

Expect gis. I do like gifs.


shadowreamyx: (Default)

March 2013

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