under the suit

Okay, I thought this would be a good rant to get this ball rolling.

I grew up in the Roman Catholic Church, singing bible songs, and actually feeling guilt and remorse for certain thoughts while striving to be the good citizen 'love everybody' person. Well, at the time I was five. Which, well, was the beginning of the end.

I don't know when reason smacked in me in the face, but as much as I'd hate to admit I would greatly say discovering 'fandoms' and 'slash' around age 10-11 really got the ball rolling. The thought was disgusting, I recoiled, exiting out of my browser at the sight of two anime boys holding hands and showing affection towards one another.

I had been taught all my life that girls had a certain role and so did boys, then one day they'd end up together.

Even though I had been programmed to live in a world of gender roles and homophobia in hindsight I should have seen it coming. Even when I was a wee child I did not want to live that perfect 'Disney Princess' life. I was the little rebel tom boy who thought all girls were gross not even acknowledging the fact that I happened to be one.

Now fast forwarding back to 5-6th grade I started thinking, 'why do we have to hate this?' 'why?' 'why?' 'WHY?' Though at that point I just assumed the Catholic church was flawed slightly and God loved me just as much as he had before.

Yet as I continued to age and I continued to think that 'God' I had loved had become something I viewed as a comfort and means to control.

Do I believe in God? I have no idea. Certainly not that one. Honestly I just do not /care/. I am going to live a full life, I am going to /enjoy/ life, and without religion I will still be a GOOD PERSON(which I have been informed you cannot be without God). I am not going to be some God fearing dame. And by god when I die if I rot in the eternal fires of hell for having reason then that still, is not god I will kneel to.

Stark out.